Working with Emotions

Emotions, emotions, emotions. They define everything that we feel, think, say, and do.

Emotions, emotions, emotions. They define everything that we feel, think, say, and do. Today, most of our obstacles are internal, not external. Instead of opposing armies and enemies, we have internal tension. We have professional frustration. We have unmet expectations. We have learned helplessness. And of course, we still have the same overwhelming emotions humans have always had: grief, pain, loss, anxiety, etc. To prevent ourselves from becoming overwhelmed by the world around us, we must, as the ancients practiced, learn how to limit our passions and the control they hold over our lives. This is the master key to working with our emotions.

We will all face hurdles in life – fair and unfair. And we will discover, time and time again, that what matters most is not what these hurdles are but how we see them, how we react to them, and whether we keep our composure. Where one person loses hope, another sees hope. Where one loses control of emotions, another remains still. From now, I want you to remember, no one or nothing makes you feel a certain way, you alone are the chooser or your feelings. Too often we react emotionally and lose our perspective. We ourselves can learn to perceive things differently, to rise above the illusions that others believe or fear.

Would you have a great empire?
Rule over yourself.
- Publius Syrus

America, in its race against the Soviet Union to send the first men into space, trained the astronauts in one skill more than any other: the art of not panicking. When we panic, we make mistakes. Our systems are go into override. The monkey takes control. We become unresponsive and stop thinking clearly. We just react – not to what we need to react to, but to the survival hormones that course through our veins. It’s obvious, 150 miles above Earth in a spacecraft smaller than a Renault Clio, this is death. Panic becomes suicide. So it needs to be trained out. But, that isn’t easy. The challenges we face make us emotional, but the only way we can truly be at peace and lived a focused life is if by keeping those emotions in check – if we can keep still no matter what happens, no matter how much external events may fluctuate – that is true peace. I saw this in the life of Pramukh Swami, and today, I see it in the life of Mahant Swami. The skill of working with our emotions is one that needs to be cultivated so that we can focus our energy on trying to solve the problems in life, rather than reacting to them.

I just want to be clear that it is not about not feeling anything. No one said you can’t feel. If you need to take a moment, by all means, do it. Real strength lies in the control or, as Nassim Taleb put it, the domestication of one’s emotions, not in pretending they don’t exist. So, feel, for sure. Just don’t fabricate stories to yourself. The key is to having conversations with yourself, and then seeing how the extreme emotions hold up. They won’t last long. After all, our emotions and feelings are fleeting.

Man does not simply exist but always decides what his existence will be, what he will become the next moment. By the same token, every human being has the freedom to change at any instant.
- Viktor Frankl

Perspective truly is everything. When we can dismantle something, or look at it, from a new angle, it loses its power over us. In essence, how we approach, view, and contextualise a situation or challenge, and what we tell ourselves it means, determines how intimidating and trying it will be to overcome. Remember that wherever the head goes, the body follows. Positive action follows positive perspective.

Epictetus said, “In life our first job is this, to divide and distinguish things into two categories: externals I cannot control, but the choices I make with regard to them I do control. Where will I find good and bad? In me, in my choices.” How powerful is this? Where will you find good and bad? In yourself. In your choices.

When we live in a society which so quickly takes the blame off us, and puts it on others, it’s more important now than ever to understand and reaffirm what is truly up to us. Our emotions. Our judgements. Our creativity. Our attitude. Our desires. Our decisions. Our determination. And of course, our perspective. This is all up to us. Focusing exclusively on what is within our power only magnifies and enhances our power.

The best way to tackle your emotions is to have a conversation with yourself. Observe your thoughts, emotions, and reactions regularly. Until you don’t understand what’s going on in your head, you won’t be able to work with it. Don’t react. Just observe. Keep a journal if you must. This is the first step to working with your emotions.

Prayers and Love,

Vinay